Babylon to Jerusalem

I really kind of meant to do these posts on Fridays. But as I've been under the false impression all day today that it was actually Friday, I figured what the heck. I've been carrying around a journal so I can record these little gifts, but I'll admit that I haven't been great this week about keeping my eyes open and counting these blessings. I have such a hard time relinquishing my hold on the "busyness" that has defined me for so long. So here's hoping that this coming week will find me more aware of all the things I have to be thankful for.

This week I am thankful for:

21. finally understanding the meaning behind a word my son has been saying for months
22. waking up slowly with my husband's arms around me
23. cherry blossoms
24. orange zest
25. sitting with a dear friend and watching our boys playing in the yard
26. that the Man of all Sorrows never forgot what sorrow is carried by the hearts that He bought
27. a restaurant-quality, home-cooked, SIT-DOWN dinner with my husband last night
28. PBS
29. eskimo kisses
30. that it still wouldn't be enough time
31. holding an hours-old baby girl
32. unexpected and rare toddler hugs

My husband recently encouraged me, as only a seminary student can, to try centering my daily devotional around the Heidelberg Catechism. He pointed me to Kevin DeYoung's book, The Good News We Almost Forgot. Today, I took his advice, and I was glad I did. The book starts out with the first two questions/answers of the Heidelberg Catechism:


1. Q) What is your only comfort in life and in death?
A) That I am not my own, but belong - body and soul, in life and in death - to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for all my sins with His precious blood, and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil. He also watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven: in fact, all things must work together for my salvation. Because I belong to Him, Christ, by His Holy Spirit, assures me of eternal life and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for Him.


2. Q) What must you know to live and die in the joy of this comfort?
A) Three things: first, how great my sin and misery are; second, how I am set free from all my sins and misery; third, how I am to thank God for such deliverance.

Wow. There is so much life-changing theology packed into those two statements. I was also glad that DeYoung chose to include the first two questions/answers in juxtaposition, because they really cannot be separated. As he says, "Question 1 of the Catechism shapes our whole existence. The first thing we need to know as a Christian is that we belong to Jesus and not ourselves."

But I love what he says next:

"All three things are necessary. If we don't know about our sin - which brings a true sense of guilt - we will be too confident in our abilities to do right and make the world a better place. We will ignore our most fundamental problem, which is not lack of education, or lack of opportunity, or lack of resources but sin and its attendant misery. But if we don't know how we are set free from this sin and misery - which comes through God's grace - we will try to fix ourselves in futility or give up altogether in despair. And if we don't know how to thank God, showing gratitude for such deliverance, we will live in a self-centered, self-referential bubble, which is not why God saved us from our sin and misery in the first place. If Christians would hold to all 'three things' and not just one or two, we would be saved from a lot of poor theology and bad ideas." (emphasis mine)

I long to live in such a way that I understand, embrace, and apply all three things. I am really looking forward to working through this book and this catechism in the weeks ahead.

I wept today as I watched this. I wept because, for so long now, I have been trudging through my days, feeling sort of dead, or numb, inside, feeling weighed and pressed down by so many worries, frustrations, and responsibilities. I have thought time and time again that I'm only half alive. Bible verses about abundant life echo through my head, and I know that I'm not embracing it. Song lyrics haunt me. "This is your life - are you who you want to be?" "And the gap grows wider between who I am and all I aspire to be." I feel like I'm living my life half awake. And time is slipping away. What am I going to do about it?

I have been following the blogs of several women who have been doing this exercise in 1000 gifts. And I wondered, would challenging myself to chronicle the blessings I see, through the good and the bad, start to change my attitude and pull me out of this spiritual rut I've been in for so long? I have been focusing for too long now on what I'm neglecting to do, what I need to fix - when maybe I should just take a step back, marvel at the ways God blesses me everyday, and open my heart to His transforming love. Because, of course, all my efforts at transformation are in vain if He does not first change me. And how will I notice this change if I don't start to notice all His great gifts to me? So this is my vow to start living with my eyes wide open, sensitive to His abundant love and grace. May God take and mold my grateful heart until it resembles His Son.

Today I am thankful for:

1. Sweet, hot coffee on a ragged throat
2. moments of clarity
3. a chatty little boy
4. chubby cheeks to kiss
5. recuperation
6. productivity
7. three-hour naps
8. great music that reawakens my passion for global missions
9. my husband's level-headedness and wisdom when I'm tempted to lose my cool
10. free Harris Teeter Express Lane this week
11. pretty journals and thank-you notes
12. breathtaking skyskapes
13. a boy who loves to read
14. Chick-Fil-A
15. a sweet little voice saying "Mama," "Dada," "Nee," and "Bawbaw"
16. poetic song lyrics
17. quiet Friday nights at home with my family
18. long, flowing skirts
19. dear friends growing their families
20. change on the horizon

My friend Kelly is holding a little bloggy event revolving around soup. Brilliant? Yes. So here is my contribution to Soupilee 2011. And no, I did not come up with this recipe on my own. My amazingly-talented-in-the-kitchen friend Candice shared it with me, and it is simply scrumptious. So eat up, and enjoy!


Baked Potato Soup Recipe

4 large baking potatoes
2/3 cup butter
2/3 cup all purpose flour
6 cups milk
Salt & Pepper to Taste (takes a lot of salt)
4 green onions, chopped and divided
12 slices bacon, cooked, crumbled, and divided
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese, divided
1 (8 ounce) carton sour cream

Wash potatoes and prick several times with a fork; bake at 400 degrees for one hour or until done. Let cool. Cut potatoes in half lengthwise, then scoop out pulp.

Melt butter in heavy saucepan over low heat; add all purpose flour, stirring until smooth. Cook 1 minute (or until thick), stirring constantly. Gradually add 6 cups of milk; cook over medium heat, stirring constantly until mixture is thickened.

Add potato pulp, salt, pepper, half of green onions, half of bacon, and 1 cup of cheese. Cook until thoroughly heated; stir in sour cream. Add extra milk if necessary for desired thickness.

Serve with remaining green onions, cheese, and bacon as garnish.

Begin hibernating.

Yesterday marked 38 years since the Supreme Court reached a decision the case of Roe vs. Wade, which resulted in legalizing abortion, in any stage of pregnancy, in the United States. At our church, we observe Sanctity of Life Sunday, as it's been dubbed, to bring attention to this great evil of our time. There are so many things I could say on this topic. When I was just a childless woman, the very idea of abortion horrified me. Now, as a mother who has carried a living miracle in my womb and experienced the joy that miracle has brought me since his conception, "horror" is a mild way to describe my reaction to abortion. I was going to write a very long (and probably jumbled) blog post about this issue, but then I was introduced to someone who has a much stronger voice than I do in this arena - a voice that, according to the laws of our country, should have been silenced before it could ever be heard. In place of my telling you about the horrors of abortion, I will let Gianna Jessen - an abortion survivor- say it all. Please listen.

From Psalm 51:

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love.
According to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.

Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

Surely you desire truth in the inner parts - you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean.
Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
Let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.


Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love.

The title of this post is kind of a double entendre. I’m not really one for New Years resolutions, mostly because I dream big dreams and lack conviction, which, if you don’t know, isn’t the greatest combination for following through on things. But the blogosphere is all a-buzz with people posting their resolutions, and since I have been thinking about things I’d like to change, I decided to chime in. So, instead of resolving to do all sorts of ambitious things, like lose 40 pounds or become a coupon maven, I am just setting a few modest goals for 2011 (inspiration for this came from my dear husband and the blog of Patrick Rhone). Nothing huge or particularly life-altering, just little things I feel confident I can improve upon. I am making some resolutions, but I am doing so in moderation so I don’t fall too short.

The second meaning behind this post’s title has to do with one of my modest resolutions, which is to start doing everything I do in moderation. I have a somewhat addictive personality, and I have trouble maintaining reasonable boundaries in a lot of areas of my life. Twitter, for instance, is my new obsession, for lack of a better word. I’ve recently started using it more, and I’ve immediately become somewhat addicted. I find myself constantly checking my iPhone for updates or to send another tweet. Often when a thought crosses my mind, I immediately think, “I should tweet that!” I’ve even found myself glued to my iPhone while Michael and Fox play right in front of me (if you don’t recognize that as bad, then maybe you could use some moderation in your life, too!). So, perfect example of why I need moderation. I find I am the same way with Facebook, TV series, books, house projects, blog posts (ahem), you name it. And I don’t like that about myself. So my first resolution for 2011 is that I am going to try to practice moderation in all areas of my life. If I feel myself going overboard with something, I’m going to stop. My first attempt at this was to delete the Twitter and Facebook apps from my phone so that I wouldn’t carry that temptation around in my pocket all day. And guess what - it worked! I still use both social media outlets, but I have already seen a notable difference in how much I think about them and how much time I devote to them. My first win of the year!

On that note, here are a few more of my modest goals for this year.

- Eat well and feed my family well. To make this attainable I’m going to avoid focusing on the big picture and instead focus on individual changes I can make. If we eat whole wheat toast with breakfast instead of white, that’s one small win. I don’t need to focus on everything at once - just what can be accomplished or decided in the moment. I think this will work, because I can feel good about smart choices and not beat myself up over every little not-so-smart choice.

- Read my Bible a little bit every day. Maybe just a Psalm. I’m not going to try to glean something brilliant from each passage I read. I’m just going to read it and let it soak in.

- Pray for my husband and son every day. This really shouldn’t be hard, it just needs to become a habit.

- Spend more time playing with Fox and less time cleaning up the mess he’s made. Learn to embrace a little messiness!

- Continue purging all the things we don’t need in our house. I’d love to continue becoming minimalists. Make sure everything has a purpose and place.

- Reduce our grocery bill. Do this by being more deliberate about meal planning.

- Don’t beat myself up about every failure. Look at this year like the stock market. Don’t focus on individual gains and losses, but instead look at whether the overall picture shows improvement. If so, then it’s been a successful year.

There they are. I’ll revisit this post in 2012 to see how I’ve done.

Happy New Year!