I wept today as I watched this. I wept because, for so long now, I have been trudging through my days, feeling sort of dead, or numb, inside, feeling weighed and pressed down by so many worries, frustrations, and responsibilities. I have thought time and time again that I'm only half alive. Bible verses about abundant life echo through my head, and I know that I'm not embracing it. Song lyrics haunt me. "This is your life - are you who you want to be?" "And the gap grows wider between who I am and all I aspire to be." I feel like I'm living my life half awake. And time is slipping away. What am I going to do about it?
I have been following the blogs of several women who have been doing this exercise in 1000 gifts. And I wondered, would challenging myself to chronicle the blessings I see, through the good and the bad, start to change my attitude and pull me out of this spiritual rut I've been in for so long? I have been focusing for too long now on what I'm neglecting to do, what I need to fix - when maybe I should just take a step back, marvel at the ways God blesses me everyday, and open my heart to His transforming love. Because, of course, all my efforts at transformation are in vain if He does not first change me. And how will I notice this change if I don't start to notice all His great gifts to me? So this is my vow to start living with my eyes wide open, sensitive to His abundant love and grace. May God take and mold my grateful heart until it resembles His Son.
Today I am thankful for:
1. Sweet, hot coffee on a ragged throat
2. moments of clarity
3. a chatty little boy
4. chubby cheeks to kiss
5. recuperation
6. productivity
7. three-hour naps
8. great music that reawakens my passion for global missions
9. my husband's level-headedness and wisdom when I'm tempted to lose my cool
10. free Harris Teeter Express Lane this week
11. pretty journals and thank-you notes
12. breathtaking skyskapes
13. a boy who loves to read
14. Chick-Fil-A
15. a sweet little voice saying "Mama," "Dada," "Nee," and "Bawbaw"
16. poetic song lyrics
17. quiet Friday nights at home with my family
18. long, flowing skirts
19. dear friends growing their families
20. change on the horizon
Labels: 1000 gifts, sanctification