Babylon to Jerusalem

My husband recently encouraged me, as only a seminary student can, to try centering my daily devotional around the Heidelberg Catechism. He pointed me to Kevin DeYoung's book, The Good News We Almost Forgot. Today, I took his advice, and I was glad I did. The book starts out with the first two questions/answers of the Heidelberg Catechism:


1. Q) What is your only comfort in life and in death?
A) That I am not my own, but belong - body and soul, in life and in death - to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for all my sins with His precious blood, and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil. He also watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven: in fact, all things must work together for my salvation. Because I belong to Him, Christ, by His Holy Spirit, assures me of eternal life and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for Him.


2. Q) What must you know to live and die in the joy of this comfort?
A) Three things: first, how great my sin and misery are; second, how I am set free from all my sins and misery; third, how I am to thank God for such deliverance.

Wow. There is so much life-changing theology packed into those two statements. I was also glad that DeYoung chose to include the first two questions/answers in juxtaposition, because they really cannot be separated. As he says, "Question 1 of the Catechism shapes our whole existence. The first thing we need to know as a Christian is that we belong to Jesus and not ourselves."

But I love what he says next:

"All three things are necessary. If we don't know about our sin - which brings a true sense of guilt - we will be too confident in our abilities to do right and make the world a better place. We will ignore our most fundamental problem, which is not lack of education, or lack of opportunity, or lack of resources but sin and its attendant misery. But if we don't know how we are set free from this sin and misery - which comes through God's grace - we will try to fix ourselves in futility or give up altogether in despair. And if we don't know how to thank God, showing gratitude for such deliverance, we will live in a self-centered, self-referential bubble, which is not why God saved us from our sin and misery in the first place. If Christians would hold to all 'three things' and not just one or two, we would be saved from a lot of poor theology and bad ideas." (emphasis mine)

I long to live in such a way that I understand, embrace, and apply all three things. I am really looking forward to working through this book and this catechism in the weeks ahead.

I wept today as I watched this. I wept because, for so long now, I have been trudging through my days, feeling sort of dead, or numb, inside, feeling weighed and pressed down by so many worries, frustrations, and responsibilities. I have thought time and time again that I'm only half alive. Bible verses about abundant life echo through my head, and I know that I'm not embracing it. Song lyrics haunt me. "This is your life - are you who you want to be?" "And the gap grows wider between who I am and all I aspire to be." I feel like I'm living my life half awake. And time is slipping away. What am I going to do about it?

I have been following the blogs of several women who have been doing this exercise in 1000 gifts. And I wondered, would challenging myself to chronicle the blessings I see, through the good and the bad, start to change my attitude and pull me out of this spiritual rut I've been in for so long? I have been focusing for too long now on what I'm neglecting to do, what I need to fix - when maybe I should just take a step back, marvel at the ways God blesses me everyday, and open my heart to His transforming love. Because, of course, all my efforts at transformation are in vain if He does not first change me. And how will I notice this change if I don't start to notice all His great gifts to me? So this is my vow to start living with my eyes wide open, sensitive to His abundant love and grace. May God take and mold my grateful heart until it resembles His Son.

Today I am thankful for:

1. Sweet, hot coffee on a ragged throat
2. moments of clarity
3. a chatty little boy
4. chubby cheeks to kiss
5. recuperation
6. productivity
7. three-hour naps
8. great music that reawakens my passion for global missions
9. my husband's level-headedness and wisdom when I'm tempted to lose my cool
10. free Harris Teeter Express Lane this week
11. pretty journals and thank-you notes
12. breathtaking skyskapes
13. a boy who loves to read
14. Chick-Fil-A
15. a sweet little voice saying "Mama," "Dada," "Nee," and "Bawbaw"
16. poetic song lyrics
17. quiet Friday nights at home with my family
18. long, flowing skirts
19. dear friends growing their families
20. change on the horizon